Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Vacuuming is My Cardio

A lot of people take vacuuming for granted. Sure it's all nice and easy when your vacuum works properly. Your apartment has 2 rugs? No problem. Done in 10 minutes or less. But what happens when your vacuum doesn't work? What happens if your vacuum NEVER worked but you were too lazy to bring it back to Target or track down an antiquated 'Vacuum Repair Shop" (do those still exist? OK Google tells me there is one about 5 minutes away but in my on-going quest to completely eliminate human contact and face to face interactions I'll just pretend I never found that out). Well my friends, you might just find yourself taking about 2 hours to vacuum your apartment's two rugs. You might just find yourself dripping in sweat while your arm falls off from trying to 'scrub' the sticky white cat hairs from the rug fibers. You also might find yourself waking up the next day wondering why on earth your body is aching so badly. And then you'd say, OH YEAH I was vacuuming.

This past weekend I felt bad about myself for ordering take out and eating Lucky Charms. But an hour into my vacuuming routine I suddenly realized, who needs the gym when your vacuum is broken? Since the upright portion of my vacuum does not work, I have to detach the brush attachment, get on my hands and knees and use scrubbing motions to vacuum the 2 rugs. Think of yourself vacuuming a fairly large rug with a Dustbuster only.

And then reduce the size of the dust buster to this

and add the presence of your two cats' hair which is ingrained into the rug fibers so strongly, you need two hands to move the brush attachment.

What you get is a very exhausting form of un-fun cardio. Plus frustration because you realize it's probably time to get a new vacuum but you'd rather spend money on wine and cookies.

Oh well.

Side note: I successfully spelled vacuum wrong throughout this entire post and still don't really feel like committing the correct spelling to memory. Perhaps this is symbolic of my overall feelings about my vacuums.


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